


Lay Me Down

by MaggieMaybe160



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester One Shot, Grief/Mourning, M/M, One Shot, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-04 16:24:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15844983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaggieMaybe160/pseuds/MaggieMaybe160
Summary: Requested on Tumblr, Dean grieving Cas using the lyrics to Sam Smith's "Lay Me Down"





	Lay Me Down

Dean sank to his knees beside his angel. His angel whose wings had scorched the Earth in dying. His angel whose eyes were closed to the world as if sleeping. His angel who had promised that Dean would die first.

“One day I will be where I was.” Dean picked up his best friend’s limp hand and held it as gently and lovingly as he could. “Right there. Right next to you.”

Dean thought of how many times he had fought next to Castiel. How many times he had done research with him. How many times had they sat side by side in the Impala? How many times had they stood too close? Shoulder to shoulder?

How would he bring him back? How could he bring him back so they could stand side by side, fight side by side, be side by side? How would he find him again? Would he have to wait till he, too, died? Would he find him wherever it was that Dean Winchester was supposed to go when he died?

“The days will be dark. The moon and the stars are already nothing without you.” Dean said but it was barely over a whisper as tears slid down his cheeks. He barely noticed the tears as he ran his thumb over Cas’s hand.

“Your touch.” Dean inhaled sharply as a sob choked him. “Your skin. Where do I begin?”

Dean couldn’t stop himself from thinking about every time that Castiel had healed him with a simple touch of his fingers. He thought of every time that Cas had clapped him on the shoulder. He closed his eyes at the pain of thinking of every hug.

“No words can explain the way I’m missing you.” Dean wished he had told Cas the manner in which he loved him. He wished he had told him instead of using the stupid cover up of a lie that it was to call him a brother.

“The night. This fucking night.” Dean wiped a hand over his face to clear the tears away. Nothing had gone according to plan. There really hadn’t been a plan. He thought he had lost Cas in the portal only to watch Cas get stabbed by Lucifer minutes later.

“This emptiness. This hole that I’m inside.” Dean felt like screaming. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “These tears. Cas.” He rocked back on his heels and whispered, “They tell their own story.”

“You told me not to cry when you were gone.” Dean replayed the memories of Cas telling him that he was going to hold Ramiel off to give them time. He heard Cas saying he loved him. He remembered the ache that had torn through him when Cas had said that he was dying in that barn. But that. That had ended with the snap of a lance.

“But this.” Dean choked on his words and wiped more of his tears away. “The feeling’s overwhelming. It’s much too strong.” His chest hitched as he laid Castiel’s hand over his chest.

“Can I lay by your side next to you?” Dean barely whispered, giving up and laying down on his back next to his dead angel. He stared at the stars, not touching or looking at Cas. Just crying as he stared up.

“I don’t want to be here.” Dean covered his face, blocking the view of the heavens. Blocking out everything. “Not if I can’t be here with you, Cas.”

Dean got up and walked a little ways away as he tried to think of a way, any way, to cope. The only one he had was to pray to his angel. He didn’t know if it would work.

“Cas? You out there?” Dean leaned against the impala and couldn’t stop himself from looking over to where Cas’s body lay. “I’m reaching out to you. Can you hear my call?”

_Cas, you got your ears on?_

_Dear Castiel, who art maybe running his ass away from Heaven, we pray that you have your ears on._

_Cas, you there?_

_Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here._

With no answer, Dean started to walk back to where he had been sitting next to Cas. “This hurt that I’ve been through…” Dean ran his hand through his hair and hated the feeling of his chest tightening as he walked closer to the angel. “I’m missing you.”

“You told me not to cry when you were gone.” Dean said again as more slid down his cheeks as he knelt next to Castiel again. “I’m sorry, Cas. The feeling’s too strong. I can’t do this.”

“Can I lay by your side next to you?” Dean curled up next to the angel on the ground, wishing to wake up from a nightmare. Hoping to hear Cas say, “Hello, Dean.” Wishing he would die so he could go to Heaven and find his angel.

“I love you. I should have told you. I should have told you every day because I love you more every day.” Dean whispered as he rolled onto his back next to his angel and cried as he stared up at the stars again.


End file.
